Friday, June 24, 2011

Wandering, wallowing & wondering

Wandering through the house as I put things away, getting distracted by a card, thought, tv commercial or phone call. Wallowing in loneliness when I realize he isn't coming back from camp as his room has stayed clean for three solid weeks now. Wondering if Carly and Kelsey are doing all right, if Scooter is ever going to quit sleeping in the closet now, what is going to happen to Meridith & Dr. McDreamy, if tomorrow will be better day.

Tomorrow always brings a better day. I have a couple of pictures to share: first are a few of the colorful ribbon display that our neighbors did for us. Still trying to figure out how to post the video. That falls under "wondering"...

And Nick's initials on the helmets of each Bukoo softball player:
I finally took off the mother's ring Nick gave me for Mother's Day to go have it redone (there was some miscommunication with the jeweler but he agreed to make it right). It's a big correction - Nick's birthstone is to be the largest, but it isn't so it is important to me to get it done the way Nick wanted it. I wasn't willing to take it off while Nick was still with us, but yesterday I got it all repackaged, receipt in hand. I could only make it to the front door of the jewelry store. After "wandering" around in the parking lot for a good five minutes, I tearfully got back in my car and headed home. Just couldn't do it, couldn't talk to a stranger about my son, about what the ring means to me, about how heartbroken I am, about the other two birthstones that represent his sisters and how they are sad, too, about how could it be that my son, just 22 years old, is gone. So, I've asked Lee to do it for me. He'll at least make it to the counter.

For Father's Day/birthday, we gave Lee a bobble-head doll in his image, dressed in the outfit he wore when he ran the Ogden marathon, WACKY shoes and all. It had been Nick's idea to begin with so it had extra sentimental value, too. Kelsey likes to ask the doll questions, "Can Kelsey get a brand new car next year?" and make the head bobble, "YES!" Good one.

We are getting back into a routine again; Lee is coaching in Chicago next week; Kelsey and I are off to Denver for a softball tournament (Lee will join us mid-week); Carly is in Moab working for Colin at his hotel resort. She is enjoying being referred to as "Nick's little sister". That won't last long, though - she very much likes her own identity. She hopes to learn how to ride horses; I'm hoping she develops a cowboy work ethic.

We are looking forward to the CureSearch Walk (visit for more info). We are also having a big family party tomorrow to celebrate a late Father's Day and Lee's birthday. Having lots of children around will definitely be fun!

As of today, we have received over $20,000 in donations this month!!!!! I can't wait to write the checks to CureSearch and First Descents next week!!!!

With love,



Chris Ulvin said...

Happy Belated Birthday Lee and Blessed Week to All,
I'm thinking that WACKY Lee Bobble Head doll will make a great visual at future Strategic Coaching events. How great it is that Nick left us with a plan to make a difference in the cancer world - for the body through Cure Research and for the spirit through First Descent. Way to go everyone on the combinded $20,000.00 gift. I wonder how many smiles that will create?
The following is one of the psalms I picked for Nick while praying the past year - Psalm 31:24 "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD." Dear Lori, may the Holy Spirit fill you and make you strong, may your courage comofort your daughters, and may Nick's smiling face in pictures be enough as you and the rest of us wait on the LORD through your "wandering, wallowing, & wondering". Amen.
Love, aunt Chris

Anonymous said...

I love you and family. I love Nick and miss him. I love the wonderful memories he has left me. I wish I could take the hurt away but only time can diminish the pain. I look towards heaven and see his smiling healthy face - it gives me comfort. Always in my heart GM Jennie xx

Beci said...

I just wanted you, Carly & Kelsey to know that I think about you every day and with each one of my prayers there is a special request to be with you all, to comfort & protect you and give you the courage and strength to go on. (I'm including a big AMEN to Aunt Chris) Love, Beci